It may be a “rat boy summer” but your rodent boyfriend is only here thanks to a wider, broader renaissance of truly pathetic, yearning men. Art Donaldson and Patrick Zweig's absolutely pathetic obsession with Tashi Duncan is arguably the most attractive thing about those two tennis playing rats. The gorgeous, perfectly coifed, spray tanned men of Bridgerton are more often down bad (crying at the gym) than rubbing two brain cells together. The idealized, pathetic, truly stupid man has taken over the world. A man so possessed by his yearning he can’t help but word vomit love confession after love confession. A man so pathetic he will make some of the stupidest choices imaginable. Many have come before, many will come after, but in this moment these pathetic yearners rule all.
Led by Chief Yearner™ Nicholas Galitzine and his sad doe eyes, these men live across genre, across medium, and across our hearts. I have taken on the noble task of charting the definitional renaissance yearners in an attempt to boil down the truest distillation of their energies. How pathetic are they? How hard did they yearn? And how did that work out for them?
We build our chart around Ken, the ultimate man-as-accessory. Ken is the platonic ideal between the four quadrants: pathetic, yearning, sealed the deal, and/or fumbled. He is simultaneously pathetic and yearning and yet neither seals the deal nor fumbles. He simply…is. We might say, he’s just Ken.
But what does it mean to "seal the deal"? What does it mean to "fumble"? The answer to those questions, like many secrets to the universe, is open to interpretation. In short...it's just vibes.
In a controversial position as a pathetic yearner who sealed the deal, is Anthony Bridgerton. Many may argue he fumbled, hard, and while that may be true, ultimately he sealed the deal, got the girl, and quite literally lived happily ever after. He is the ultimate success story for the pathetic yearner.
On the opposite end of the scale, the pathetic yearner with the ultimate fumble, is Lestat de Lioncourt. As it exists in this moment, on Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire, well…what’s there really to say. The man couldn’t have fumbled any harder.
Other notables on the list include Gregory Eddie of Abbott Elementary as the deepest yearner to seal the deal, and Jeff from Bottoms, the most pathetic man who fumbled the hardest. Jeff is one of FOUR characters charted from Chief Yearner™ Nicholas Galitzine. Also from his repertoire are Hayes Campbell from the Idea of You, George from Mary and George, and his most yearning, saddest eyed role as Prince Henry from Red, White and Royal Blue.
This current renaissance is, of course, in thanks to the original pathetic yearners: the Mr. Darcys, the Lauries, and the Mr. Knightleys. Without their hand flexes, hilltop confessions, or obsessive devotions; the pathetic yearner would not be who he is today.
This renaissance also serves as a clear evolution beyond the himbo. You’ll notice Glen Powell and his many rom com leads appear nowhere on this chart. That is simply because he has never played a man pathetic enough to yearn. Arguably, the himbos, the cool guys, and the boy next doors all lack one fundamental requirement to make the list: stupidity.
Yes, himbos are definitionally low intelligence, but that lack of intelligence is not directly motivated by their pathetic yearning. A himbo may be non threatening and lovably dumb, but he won’t storm a castle in the rain to confess his love or have a panic attack because of a bee sting. It is ultimately the pathetic yearners, their grand romantic gestures, and often, their obsession, which makes them the renaissance men of the moment.
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